Thursday, December 27, 2012

2013 Garden Plan

Drum Roll Please!!!!!!

I did it! I made my mapped out garden plan for this year.  It seems like a lot but it's a little bit of everything, growing at different heights, all researched as to what compliments each other.  I AM SO EXCITED!!  I need to decide where the Pumpkins will go though, they may be in the front yard, side yard or along the deck.  And Strawberries... Maybe in the front planter where all the Azalias are that are so puny and sad from the previous homeowners?

The Bank of Sunflowers are to the south and the Sun will pass directly over head to give good sunshine.  They will also entice all those pretty little buzzy bees and encourage great polination of my garden.  I have Basil to compliment the flavor of the tomatoes and deter pests.  I have Chamomile around the Broccoli because aparently Chamomile makes all plants happy.  Radishes are great paired with the Broccoli and Dill and Lettuces love to be around each other.  I have the Pole Beans and Peas with the Corn so they can naturally climb the corn stalks.  Chicken Coop and run will be to the left of the Corn (if we have them this year).

I live that I am on my staycation, spending my time plotting out my garden.  Spending time with my kids and getting ready to make homemade lasagna for dinner. YUM.  My oldest is going to help me make it.  In 6 months I will be able to season it from my garden.  I love love LOVE that I have that I am blessed enough to creat my own homestead.  I mean seriously make it my own. 

Here is the plan I made, we'll see how it goes. I'm excited to succeed, fail and learn new lessons this growing season.

I am excited to share my passion for Organic, hyper local sustainability with my kids.

Next on my list:
Getting free materials to build raised beds
Save toilet paper rolls to help protect my baby plants from meanies like Cutworms
How to save and use my rain water?
To do or not to do my chickens this year
Fruit Trees to plant in the front yard... Next Year?

In 4 days it will be 2013 and a couple weeks after that I will (by the grace of God) be celebrating 5 years of continuous sobriety.  How much I love thinking about Lasagna and fruit trees and not where, how and withwhom I am getting F'd up with on New Years Eve...

Thank you God!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Chickens, Chickens, Chickens...

I am so very excited and interested in getting chickens for my little homestead.  I have been doing a ton of research.  A TON.  My husband and I talked about it a whole lot before we bought our home last January and so this is not a new interest.  I bought a chicken magazine, started reading and researching coop plans.  I have a couple books am hoping to purchase soon.  Thank goodness for the internet!! So much free information to help me be informed and responsible about my choices.  The only thing, and a BIG thing is that I need to have someone available to watch my chickees when they are little and check on them many times a day.  The husband's hours are crazy and he may or may not be home and I have a set 5 day a week schedule but am off at 330, but have to pick up the toddler before I get home.  Ugh.  I'm not sure what to do about that but I am sure there are others who have had the same concern, I just need to find them out there on the vast internet.

I am entranced by the idea of growing supplemental food from my new garden for my chickens and using their poo as fertilizer for every part of my homestead.  Feeding my family with their eggs and yummy veggies that my ladies will help me grow.  Also, the idea of letting them eat the lawn so my husband doesn't have to mow as much is also appealing.  Having my kids learn about sustainability, good treatment of animals and how to eat hyper locally, i.e. via our back yard (and front yard, and side yard if I can find something that will thrive there)

I am leaning toward a coop plan I found because I work where there is a warehouse and I can get pallets easy for free.  I also read though the testimonial of this brave soul and am a little shaky in my boots because of it,

Our garden is also going in this year.  Can I tell you how much I missed not having anything I could eat growing last year.  I was willing it so much I had yellow pear tomatoes growing up from under my deck, black sunflowers and cherry tomatoes by the back fence.  Really I'm sure they were remnants of seeds from the past owners, but it was a "sign" to me that this land is fertile and will bear great nutrition and entertainment for my family (and friends, and neighbors and whomever else I can gift with the "fruits" of my labor)

Well, back to looking for coop plans and how I maybe go about getting chicks that are a little older so I can make sure they are taken care of properly in the beginning. 

So many things to consider.  I am so excited.

Oh, by the way, MERRY CHRISTMAS WORLD.  And I will celebrate 5 years of continuous sobriety in about two weeks.  That is just beyond amazing.

Thank you God.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Just for Today 12/7/12

So yesterday I would consider a "success" as far as choosing to be happy.  It's amazing to me when I make that choice, how much my perspective is in my control.  I didn't feel like a victim to my day.  I have a part in everything and yesterday my part was to want to be in a good mood more than I wanted to let other things bug me.  Yay me :-)

So for today let's see how it goes!  It is very much in line with yesterday's...

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.  I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

I wonder what the USA would look like if even 25% of the population at any given time made this same decision over their day?  What about just Oregon?  Or my small town of 10k?

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Grapevine Quote of the Day December 6

Grapevine Quote logo
December 6

"By 1937, some of us realized that AA needed a standard literature. There would have to be a book ... Well, we did quarrel violently over the preparation and distribution of that book. In fact, it took five years for the clamor to die down. Should any AAs dream that the old-timers who put the book together went about in serene meditation and white robes, then they had best forget it."
AA Co-Founder, Bill W., November 1951
From: "Services Make AA Tick"
The Language of the Heart
From the GV book:
Language of the Heart

Just for Today 12/6/12

I am giving myself an assignment each day to focus on one of the "Just for Today" statements that comes from the program of Al-anon.  We''ll see how "well" I do.  Eventually maybe I'll have a day when they all come together between the kids, the job, the PTO and the rest of chaos I gratefully call My Life.  My attitude is always the best place to start.  Especially in the heat of the Holiday madness.

Today - 12/6/12

Just for Today I will be Happy.  This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Makes me think about how much I want to see the new Movie Lincoln.

Happy Thursday Universe,  I'll check in tomorrow.

- Me

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Short Bit.... I'm Back :-)

I have missed you, my Blog. My voice out to the endless universe. I have come back :-)

I am not sure where this came from, but it is something on my heart to share today. 

Watch you thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your Destiny.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Back 2 School Madness

So I have been behind in keeping up my posts, but any Mom with kids going back to school will understand!  Trying to figure out new before and after school care, shopping for supplies, dropping off supplies and meeting new teachers, wresting the STRONG WILLED 14 month old Baby brother... I am so glad I chose to do all this in recovery.  Being stoned would distract and make dull some of these amazing moments... the last couple days before my oldest becomes an official 2nd grader...


So I read this, hoping to get a good tid-bit to share with the world, and I got exactly what I asked for.  Hope anyone who happens upon this post is able to get something genuine and accept the sincerity in which I am sharing it.

This is a passage from Day 3 in Step 11 of the Life Recovery Devotional.

"The word meditate in the Bible means "to imagine" and "to ponder repeatedly".  The key to winning the battle over obsessive thoughts is to fill our imaginations with images of a life lived according to God's plan  There's a better life for us.  When we begin to "delight in" imagining what that would be like, we will find that we begin to win some of our inner battles.

The more we bask in the joy of God's presence, the more we will discover joy within."

Thank you for this message God.  May it find it's way to a heart that needs to hear it today.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

My thought for the day

I got to spend a large portion of my day, shopping through two thrift stores with my oldest son.  My thought for today is pretty simple.  I love being a Mom and I wish this experience on everyone alive.  That's pretty much it.  I can't belive I let drugs and alcohol come first for awhile.  I know today it was because I had big God shaped hole in my heart.  Today God is filling that hole and I get to experience life and all it has in store for me.

I love being a Mom and I wish this experience for everyone.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Friday, My Friend!

There is something about a Friday that is just fantastic.  Before I cleaned my act up, Friday came and always meant that something  was going on, and whatever that thing was, I did not want to miss it. I was kind of like the little kid who can't take a nap when company is over because they are so sure they are going to miss something amazing.

Truth is, especially at the end, there was nothing amazing happening.  Well, nothing short of the fact that I survived it being pretty amazing in itself.

Today, what gets me excited is coming home and knowing I get to spend the next two days with my boys and the love of my life.  Nothing is better than that.  I love Friday.  I love getting more and more "domestic" and tonight, sitting on the couch mending my soon-to-be 2nd graders sweater, watching Wuthering Heights while the hubby is doing night work.  (I always stay up too late when he does!)

There are hundreds of thousands of people chasing that illusive feeling tonight.  That release.  That High.  That one more night of no responsibility, everyone for themselves.  That Love.  That Escape.  Something to fill that HOLE.

A relationship with My God, and freedom through the 12 steps is the only thing I have found that has given me true release.  True Freedom. 

I chose a mortgage, crying teething baby and piles of laundry to the emptiness that my old Friday nights carried.

I love my life today.  Thank you God that you kept my spirit alive inspite of my attempts to drown it out.  I get to love my life today because of you.  Thank you,

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Thursday Thought for the Day

The thought of the day today is actually a Prayer taken from "Twenty-Four Hours a Day" by Hazelden Meditations.

"I pray that I may realize Life with out a goal is futile.  I pray that I may find the Good Life worth striving for."

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Pissy Pissy Day

We all have those days right?  Those days where everything just seems to be slightly irritating.  Today is that day for me.  Not a fan of the days that no amount of rational thoughts telling me to be happy can help steer me in a better direction.  Then home to the crazy screaming teething baby who throws a metal candle tin that hits me on the corner of my big toe and I just wanna cry.  Ugh.  Life on Lifes terms.  It's not like I don't want to be doing this today sober I am just not a peachy-positive Lil miss sunshine today.  I just think I am hormonal, tired and Pissy.  Not a fan of days like today.

Tomorrow will be better.  I'm deciding that today.  Thank you God that I get to experience both the good and not so great.  That is true recovery.


Sunday, August 19, 2012

Sought through Prayer

Step 11:
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscience contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will and the power to carry that out.

I got to spend the weekend at a beach house in Rockaway Beach, Oregon with a good friend of mine.  A weekend in the middle of August you would think it's sunny right? Well, I get to report to you that in Oregon... August or not... Sunshine is not garuanteed.  Go figure.  I've lived here many many years now and that still hasn't stuck. 

Well, it was a nice weekend anyway! I got to spend HOURS in an antique shop. Yep, one. I got to spend more hours walking in Canon beach in Art galleries and boutiques.I got to spend two days in a row in my Bible before I had done much else each day.  I have a book that has 30 meditations for each step and I started step 11 on Saturday.  I really want to have a closer relationship with my God and walking on the beach in the sprinkley rain was a really poetic way to appreciate Him.  Taking deep breaths of the misty cool air, hearing the roar if the Ocean waves.  Smelling the saltiness of the sea.  Feeling the energy pulsing in flow of the blue waters.

I am enjoying be back at home with my husband and children, and do not have much else on my mind.  I really enjoyed my time away, but I really love being home.

Thank you God that my eyes were open to seeing you and one of your amazing creations.


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

a hickie from kenickie

So I am perfectly fine to admit my favorite movie of all time is "Grease".  This is followed by a close second of Erin Brokovich.  Two completely different styles but my favs nonetheless.  At work a coworker mentioned a name that made me think of the oh so fantastic line "A hickie from Kenickie is like a Hallmark Card: When you care to send the very best" I have been thinking about that Line and Grease ever since.  I should be able to pull it up on Netflix right??

I love it.  I love that movie because it reminds me of my young teenage years and how excited I was when I was a Senior in High School and could say "We're gonna rule the school!" Even though I was too shy to ever have that happen.  It reminds me of carefree drinking with my friends and getting stoned in my first apartment with my long-time friend.  Life when there was no real consequence to my actions (or so I thought).

How long did I chase that feeling after I was living through real life consequences.  How Long did Jeff Conway chase his?  It's sad but he followed them to his death in May 2011.

Summer time is one of those times when I really need to get my butt into a chair at a meeting and listen to others share about the disease of addiction and alcoholism in their life.  I need to remember that no amount of liquor, pot or denial is going to get me "back" those teenage and young adult years.  And really, THEY WERENT THAT GREAT anyway.

The life I have today with my husband, children, family and friends is so much better.  Maybe I miss being able to numb out whenever I wanted to.  But if I did that today, I would miss out on so much.  I would miss things like the oportunity to pull a Bee stinger out of my 14 month old baby's lip because he puts everything in his mouth including the Bee he found on the carpet.  I would miss listening to my 7 (almost 8, holy crap!) year old singing to Air 1 in the back seat.  I would miss getting the chance to share with a newcomer that there is a Solution, and there IS HOPE.

Thank you God I can see these things today.


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Four Letter F Word!!!!!!!!!

Fear of the unknown kept me out of the rooms for a long time. 
Fear of telling people the truth about who I am. 
Fear of bill collectors.
Fear of telling people "No" because maybe they won't like me. 
Fear of telling a man where to shove it when he talks to me disrespectfully, and all I do is laugh uncomfortably.
Fear of walking into a meeting by myself.
Fear of failure.
Fear of telling someone my 5th step. 
Fear of Police officers near me even when I didn't do anything.
Fear of making amends to people
What if nobody likes me when I’m sober? 
What if I’m not funny enough/ brave enough? 

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Thought of the Day

Today, may you be grateful for what you have.  May you see the lesson that is in every storm.  May you laugh from your Belly so it shakes your soul.  Today, may you experience your God in a new and personal way.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Meatless Gluten Freedom

As a part of my recovery I have to learn how to take good care of my physical body.  Self care is so important like my post the other day helped me focus on.  I only ever get one set of body parts (go figure!).  To help me with this, in both accountability and support, I decided to jump off a second bridge (first one didn't hurt so bad!) and create "Meatless Gluten Freedom"

Check it out if you are Gluten Free or Vegetarian, or both.  It's an infant blog, but thought I'd share it's there.

Until Next Time -


Wednesday, August 1, 2012


Today's post is a little nostalgic.  Today is my 6 year Anniversay at my place of employment.  At a moment I was over come there today, and almost brought to tears when I thought of where I was emotionally, spiritually and financially in 2006. 

I was renting a room, had left my son with my parents and had been unemployed, jumping to different temp agency jobs whenever they called me in.  I was driving a Mazada 626 that I couldn't afford and subsequently did a voluntary repo on (pretty much meaning I called them and asked they take it before I woke up one morning to find it "gone").  I got so depressed I believed what I thought people were telling me (I wasn't good enough to be around my son) and so I stopped.  I didn't see him for close to 3 weeks I think.  I would come to this job I still have today, and lie when people asked me how he was, and just felt like dying would be easier that taking another breath.  For a period of time the Mazda broke down and I started taking public transit and my watering hole of choice was smack in the middle of my route. Countless times it was HOURS before I made it home.  Once, I didn't.  I stayed the night at a friends after closing the bar down, and went to work the next morning in the same clothes I wore before.

And I thought no one knew I had a problem.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Self Care...Self What??

Self Care : noun - The care of oneself without medical, professional, or other assistance or oversight.

When I went to look for a definiftion of self care, I thought it would be realitively simple but what I found was moreso than I had expected.  How is it that something so basic to define is the great deficiency by which so many of us (especially Moms) suffer?

Here are 5 easy ways to integrate some good 'ol self care into our busy lives and keep growing to be the people we want to be.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Heart in a box

A couple months ago I took an herbal supplement from my Naturopath, based in an alcohol tincture.  Wasn't a crazy idea at the time because I had taken similar ones she gave me before - no prob.  This time though, my body reacted and the last 8 weeks I have had cravings like never before in my recovery.

Life is busy, bills are due, daycare situation a mess (AGAIN! UGH!) House is messy... Laundry, what can a Mom say about laundry...  And SLAM! More life has to happen, and other people have to show their character defects, and hurt my heart.  I mean like I feel squished and kind of broken hearted....

All of a sudden, the Bloody Mary's at the table over in Elmer's that looked really yummy piles on top of my eyes catching every Bar signage I pass. 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Hate this song

So I am not a big fan of venting in blogs (but maybe now I have one it'll change), but I keep hearing this song that seriously just makes me MAD.  I know I shouldn't "HATE" things, but this - I HATE.  (Not at all surprising that there are no women's names taking credit for writing it.)

The song is "We are Young".  It is a great and horrible example of what our American Culture promotes as okay behavior.  I mean, seriously!! Why is it "cool" to have a song talking about an ex-girlfriend you hit or something to have given her a scar, gave crappy excuses to apologize, and now offer, if she is so drunk so can't stand up when the bar closes that you will take her home to "set the world on fire"


Will you?

This week I went to a meeting chaired by a person introduced to AA in a country in South America.  They said they used to think AA was a special club that people could go drink whatever they wanted and no one would know because "they were anonymous".  Everyone chuckled at that. They didn't have DUI's in this country, someone would just come knock on the door.  One day, someone came and knocked on their door. 

Despite the rief moment of humor that I found, and so often find in the rooms, I heard a bigger message in this.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

There is hope...

Really, what in this life is important?  I guess my answer would depend on the day I am asked.  Today, what is important to me is the time I have spent with my family.  Shouldn't that be what's important everyday?  Today I cared less about the world outside my home, and more about taking time to cook with my 7 year old.  I took an extra minute admiring my 13 month old after he fell asleep and took pictures of his face and hands.  I spent time today thinking about the Al-anon "Just for Today" bookmark.  (One of the best printed resources ever written).

At church today they talked about what the literal meaning of the word "saint" and "holy". These two words are from the same root, meaning "set apart".  It just means different. It got me thinking.

I am different from many, but in my recovery it's a fine line to feel different but not uniqiue.  I am, in my nature, so self-centered that I can make the two words synonymous, when they are worlds apart.  I have learned in my addiction, I am not unique. 

Is this a good idea?

Hello World

I don’t think I realized I had so much I wanted to share with the world until the idea of starting a blog entered the picture. My brain has been racing about what I would hope to know enough about to blog and, and in the end, the answer is My Life. I heard a message in my head saying “Nicole’s Voice” It seems so simple it's sillyI only have one. It’s mine. I’m going to use it.   I want to share what I've so freely been given with those who would like to hear it.  I want a medium of creativity that I can embrace who I am growing to be. A HUGE part of this process is really looking at myself and questioning who I am. Who am I? Who am I really