Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Four Letter F Word!!!!!!!!!

Fear.   
Fear of the unknown kept me out of the rooms for a long time. 
Fear of telling people the truth about who I am. 
Fear of bill collectors.
Fear of telling people "No" because maybe they won't like me. 
Fear of telling a man where to shove it when he talks to me disrespectfully, and all I do is laugh uncomfortably.
Fear of walking into a meeting by myself.
Fear of failure.
Fear of telling someone my 5th step. 
Fear of Police officers near me even when I didn't do anything.
Fear of making amends to people
What if nobody likes me when I’m sober? 
What if I’m not funny enough/ brave enough? 



I could go on and on and on …  There’s a long list of fears that still try to haunt me . If I sit here long enough I’m sure I could write a book.  But who wants to live a life like that…  SO WHY DO I??

Living my life and using the 12 steps and My God as the guide to walk through it, I have learned that the only REAL FEAR I should hold on to, is the one that I will die if I drink again.  That’s what should be really scary.

Relationships end, bills keep coming, failure will happen.  That’s Life.

Babies are born, Rainbows are radiate, sun will shine on your face and birds will sing.  That is life too.

It can all be walked through, Sober, one single day at a time.  Sometimes I have to live my life one moment at a time because a day seems too large to hold on to.

Today I am making a choice to be present in my life.  I don’t want to lose the time I have with my kids worrying about how I am going to afford school supplies.  If I can just keep putting one foot in front of the other, don’t drink, and ask God or help, he will.  HE WILL.  I just have to remember to ask (why is that so hard!)  I am dearly loved and today I need to remember that.  If anyone ever reads this know, I hope you know that are SO VERY deeply loved by the maker of your universe.

What are you living in fear of?  Are you ready to let it go?

2 comments: